The Distant Future

A lot of people don't know this, but I'm typing to you from the future. In fact, if you're reading this anytime after 6 PM (EST) on the 31st, I'm already living in 2009.

A lot of people are probably wondering, what is the future like? Well, some type of "de-evolution" has apparently taken place, and now everyone speaks Spanish. Also, the TV shows are terrible, and soccer is the most popular sport. I fear my only hope is to build a time machine and stop these tragic changes from taking place.

Circus Liveblog

I live with a guy who goes by the name of Circus. Well, he doesn't know that but that's his name. Circus is incredibly gay; however that's not why I find him entertaining. He's a very nice guy, and I make no judgement of his lifestyle. But every single thing he does is hilarious. Especially when he's sick, which he has been for what seems like weeks.

12:50: Circus sneezes. His sneezes cannot adequately be described in writing. Try to imagine Betty Boop sneezing, but more efeminine.

12:56: Circus is shopping for shoes online.
Note- Circus really likes the movie Troy.

1:01: Curcus blows his nose.

1:04: Still looking at shoes.

1:07: Puma website taking a long time to load; Circus impatiently runs fingers through his hair.

1:08: Finally! Back to browsing. After a good long noseblow we're back to puma.com.


Note- These are the shoes he's spent the most time looking at:


1:17: I live in a slum and our internet is borrowed from our neighbors. As a result it often goes out. Circus and I both just spent 5 minutes refreshing our browsers till we can finally reconnect.

1:20: Circus is sitting on the couch in an incredibly flamboyant way. (And that's saying something considering I often sit on the couch Indian Fashion.) Circus's current sitting position can be most closely equated to this:

Note- Circus shaves his legs.

1:25: A lot of people don't know this, but in Spain they show nudity on TV. Troy has ended, and the award winning Eurotrip is now on. Scenes of female nudity, no matter how brief, are always more awkward when Circus is watching with us.

Which reminds me of my all time favorite Circus moment: One night, Circus was sitting studiously at the diningroom table, with a textbook and a plate of food (Circus never stops eating.) He appeared to be concentrating quite hard. As I walked past him to get something from the kitchen, I glanced to see what he was studying. What was on the page, that he was desperately trying to decipher?

A picture of a vagina.

1:28: Circus blows his nose, then puts down his computer. He is fully invested in this movie.

1:35: Circus declines an invitiation from another roommate to go have a drink at a bar across the street. He is just too sick.

1:57: The only thing more uncomfortable than watching female nudity with Circus is watching male nudity. I forgot about the scene in Eurotrip that has hundreds of naked men.

2:04: Circus blows his nose, then lets out deep sigh.

2:17: Circus is in bad shape. He has a perpetually miserable look, and claims to have a fever. Well, I didn't hear exactly what he said but he dramatically put the back of his hand to his forehead, before the act of raising his arm simply became too exhausting. This could be the first death in liveblog history.

2:25: Circus disgustingly blows his nose. I mean you could hear every glob of muceous. It almost made me puke, but at least I know he's still alive.

2:30: Circus asked one of the roommates, a girl, to get him something from the upstairs bathroom. Wow. Anyway, she couldn't find whatever the hell it was, so he has disapeared upstairs looking for it. This might be the end of Circus.

2:35: He's back. With a weird looking, tea-like drink in hand. He listlessly stirs the glass while watching the exciting conclusion of Eurotrip.

2:41: Circus has stopped using tissues to blow his nose and is now using the "plug one nostril and inhale" technique.

2:44: Circus: "Hasta manana." Hasta manana, Circus. And thus ends the first annual Circus Liveblog. More to come soon.

Trees

I'm not trying to be a dick, but most trees in Spain are fucking terrible. This one is the exception:

Damn that's a nice tree.

Let's Talk About Food

A lot of people are probably wondering what the food is like here in Spain. I thought it might be a good idea to share a typical meal I enjoy quite a bit. Here's something I whipped up yesterday during a short break between teaching classes.

One of my roommates snapped a photo of me making my lunch.

If it sounds good to you, give a try and let me know how it goes. Here's the recipe:

Cochinillo Asada (Roast Suckling Pig)

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Cook Time: 2 hours, 30 minutes

Ingredients:
6 lb suckling pig
1/2 cup Spanish olive oil
salt and pepper to taste
1/2 cup butter
2 medium carrots
1 yellow onion

Preparation:
This roast suckling pig recipe makes approximately 6 servings.
Heat the oven to 425 degrees.
Season the piglet with salt and pepper, inside and out. Wrap the ear with aluminum foil to prevent them from burning. Then, place the piglet in a large, open roasting pan. Baste with olive oil and dab with butter all over.
Place in oven and roast, basting often with the pan drippings for about 2 1/2 hours.
While the piglet is roasting, peel the carrots and the onion. Slice the carrots into 4 pieces each. Coarsely chop the onion. About 10 minutes before removing the piglet from the oven, place the carrots and onion in the pan with the piglet.
Remove the piglet from oven when it is fully cooked. (Check meat and make sure that the juice is clear and not bloody.) Remove the aluminum foil from ears and place on a serving dish. Keep warm in a warming drawer or under heat lamps.
Pour juices from roasting pan into a sauce pan with the vegetables and heat over medium heat on stove. When the juices start to sizzle, skim fat off top. Add 2 cups of water. Increase heat to high and boil rapidly to thicken. Strain through a strainer or cheesecloth.
Serve the piglet on a large platter with the warm gravy on the side, roast or fried potatoes and a simple green salad.

This is how mine came out:

All the garnish isn't really necessary, but I believe strongly in the importance of presentation. Bon apettite! (Looks like I'm picking up some Spanish after all!)

Spain IS Different!

A lot of people ask me: is Spain different than the United States? Well, judging from this weird picture I found using google, I'd say so!

Bad News

A lot of you have probably been wondering why I haven't written any entries lately. Well, it's mostly because I've been kind of upset. Why? Because I found another blog called "Cory's Travel Blog." I'm not going to give a link because I don't want to give the fucking prick the satisfaction.

Here's a picture of "Cory":

I mean seriously, what the crap? He's in Japan or some damn place, and although he did take this sweet picture of a crazy Japanese van, I still want him dead.

I give him credit, that's the travel blog photo of a lifetime, but I still desperately want to fight him for naming rights to "Cory's Travel Blog." So this is the REAL world traveler Cory officially calling you out, bitch!

What does Spain look like?

A lot of people are probably wondering what Spain looks like, so I thought I'd post a picture I found. This isn't actually Spain, but you get the idea.

Chinese Astronauts

One of my friends told me that China is sending astronauts to the Moon.

Good luck Chinese Astronauts!

*My friend later told me he was thinking of India, not China. I do not support Indian astronauts and do not wish to be affiliated with them in any way.

Speaking "Spanish"

A lot of people don't know this, but in Spain they speak Spanish, not English. I'm not sure exactly when this practice started, but it was probably after Franco died. Anyway, it's pretty confusing, and it would have been nice if my Lonely Planet travel guide had made this clear. Here's how a typical conversation in Spain goes:

Me: "Excuse me, can you tell me where the nearest bus stop is?"
Spanish person: "(Something in Spanish that I can't understand)."
Me: "What?"

Not only is it a different language, but I read that there are over 100 words in Spanish! Obviously I could never learn all of those words, so for the time being I just won't talk to anyone.